My elder son is approaching high school age. Many friends who have come to accept that home-schooling is okay for primary, are now questioning our plans for secondary school. It’s been a dilemma for us too, but recently something has happened which has cemented our commitment to long-term home schooling.

My twelve year old, Ben, who has coped wonderfully well with primary school maths, has suddenly jacked up on me. “I hate maths!” So I decided: “No more maths for the rest of this year.” For me, that was a very difficult decision … almost traumatic! But I don’t want him to hate maths. With a bit of space, maybe we’ll come up with a better approach that will cultivate a love for the subject.

Since Ben has always had a passion for computers, we found him a computer teacher who is showing him the basics of computer programming. He has been doing this for a few months now. He spends hours a day at the computer, most of it self-motivated work. His teacher is amazed at what Ben has done on his own initiative, with the newly acquired knowledge. He is up to creating his fifth computer game, (in three months) which he delights in testing out on Josh and his friends.

At secondary school parents become more acutely aware of the child’s future in terms of employment. We are sure that Ben’s future lies in the computer field, and we want him to have every opportunity to develop in that area. What he is learning now, as far as we are aware, is not taught in secondary school. It is available at universities and TAFE colleges. If he were at secondary school, he would never have access to the computer for the amount of time he needs to develop the programs that he is creating. Home-schooling is the best learning environment for him. Here, he has space and time which are necessary for the creative processes of the brain, and he has accessibility to the tools he needs.

His development is no longer a worry for me. If secondary school provides the education needed for employment, then I am not worried. If secondary school provides the socialising skills needed in the wider world, then I am not concerned either. My son is an introvert, and I have long ago ditched my concerns for a balanced social life. I believe it is wrong to try to make an introvert into an extrovert, which the system seems to aim at. I don’t think he’s missing out on anything except ridicule for being a “nerd” And quite frankly, I’m glad he doesn’t have to put up with peer abuse of this kind.

At home, he gets exposure to peers and adults alike. Here he is respected, loved and appreciated for who he is. Long ago, we knew that he would never be a salesperson, or an executive. As an introvert, we know there is a place for him in our society and that he has a lot to offer it.

It has stretched me, and it has even hurt at times, but I am proud that we are creating children who are proud of their individuality and who can play/work co-operatively. Competition is not a big part of our lives, though I know in the work-place they will have to face a lot of that. It is my hope that, by then, their sense of self will be so intact that they will cope with the obstacles thrown in their path……. and we’ll be there for them then, as we are now!

Johanna Hoare

Otherways #74, December 1997